I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
