Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
