I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
