i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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