Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
