If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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