no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.