Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
