She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
