It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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