The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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