The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
