Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
