this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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