did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
