i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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