Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
