Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
