This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
