mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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