She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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