Don't make out with my wife yet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
These tits shall not be calmed
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
