AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
