Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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