Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
