The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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