All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
