I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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