I looked at my own cervix.
im holly from the hills drunk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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