Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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