There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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