I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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