woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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