Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
