In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
