alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
