Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
