i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
