i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?