so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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