I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
