Farmville is her only friend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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