Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
