Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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