Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
