My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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