I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
