Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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