Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize