You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
