SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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