Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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