i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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