It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
