This is not my ceiling
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
