see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house