Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways