OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
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Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.