You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
