I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
