i permit you to call me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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