Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I came so hard my ears popped.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
