Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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