im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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